Best Begging Letter Ever

You are probably like me, receiving dozens of unsolicited begging e-mails every week, mostly from shady characters with poor grammar from sub-saharan Africa. However, I have noticed a new kid on the beggar's block recently, one who stands out from the crowd. I love this guy...his name is Muda. (see his most recent missive to me below) it's his best effort yet.



Such drama, such compassion, such creativity, such greed! A complete change from the usual jailed Nigerian Finance Minister's daughter, or Ghanian plane-crash victim's unclaimed funds. Muda has moved to complete new territory and introduced a whole new set of villians and victims, princes and paupers. This could be a thriller novel or even a movie the way he writes. It set me thinking on a new project!



I am seriously considering compiling the 'Best Begging Letters Ever' from all around the world, not just Nigeria and Ghana. I might publish the book under the same title. I think it would make for some really interesting reading and feel it would be a best-seller. Just think, it is bound to lift everyones hearts, what with this recession thing and everyone losing their money, we all need a glimmer of hope. What could be more hopeful than a 'Beggar'? They are ever hopeful, posess an ever optimistic nature and never accept rejection. A book on this subject would make a hot pick on Oprah. It could be a must-read bible in every Bathroom in the developed, now decimated world.



What do you think? I only need about a hundred grand advance to get started. Any Angel Investor out there? Publisher? Entrepreneur? Banker? I will share the royalties!If you are interested I will send my trusted aide and guard to pick up the cash (sorry, I don't accept checks). You will know him when he calls...he blocks most of the light in any standard front door.





From: Muda <rivers@virtuocities.com>Sent: Thu, 2 Apr 2009 12:55 am
Subject: Investment of $25 Million USD in your Country.

Hello,
I am contacting you via your email address because of the urgent need to keep this discussions and further actions private and confidential between both of us alone. Therefore, i solicit for your reliable assistance in the collection and investment of my funds.

I am Muda Hakeem, from the sultanate of Brunei in South East Asia. I want you to visit the websites below for a better insight and understanding into what necessitated my contacting you:-

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/670959.stm
http://www.asiaweek.com/asiaweek/magazine/2000/0310/nat.brunei.jefri.html
http://www.brudirect.com/DailyInfo/News/y2k/May2006/230506.htm

As you may know from the international media above, the sultan had accused my father of financial mismanagement and impropriety running into Billion of dollars of state funds. The economic set back in Brunei was as a result of the Asian financial crisis that made my our firm Amedeo Development Company (i was Managing Director) and government owned Brunei Investment Company (controlled by my father) to be declared bankrupt during my fathers tenure in office.

However my father was falsely accused by the Sultan of financial misappropriation and in year 2000 a Brunei court ordered the seizure of all our bank accounts and private properties including a crude oil export refinery which where all confiscated by the sultanate. In May 2006, Prince Jefri lost an appeal to retain our properties, assets and Bank accounts which the sultan and security operatives wants forfeited to the government. During this unfortunate period I was still serving as Managing Director of my fathers own firm, Amedeo Development Company. I was advised to evacuate my immediate family outside the sultanate to avoid further prosecution from the sultan and his security operatives, but before I could do that I was placed under house arrest via a Court Order of which i was named co-defendant.

Before my arrest, I went ahead to dispatch some funds US$500 Million under special diplomatic arrangement. The money where packaged into metallic trunk Boxes and deposited in various Warehouses abroad for safe keeping abroad. Hence, I seek your good assistance to invest these funds deposited in various Bonded Warehouse into profitable investment in your country to facilitate future survival for my family abroad. My trusted aid and guard is still loyal to me, he would be my contact if there is any document I need to send to you which would enable you collect the boxes of money on my behalf.

The purpose of my contacting you is because you live in a country with a stable economy where one can invest. On receipt of your response after which we shall discuss in details the modalities for seeing this project through. If however, you are not disposed to assist, kindly forward to a reliable associate or relative or friend whom you deem fit to rescue this transaction from total loss if the location of the funds are discovered by security operatives.

I am counting on your absolute confidentiality, transparency, honesty and trust while looking forward to your prompt reply towards a swift conclusion of this proect. If you cant assist me please forward to any of your family relatives OR business associate who can render me this service.

I await your Urgent Reply.

Best Regards,
MUDA.